hmm i really should start packing...

So I have been staring at my "what to pack" for the hospital list and just keep putting this off... for some reason I am dreading packing this hospital bag...I don't know why. It just really intimidates me and freaks me out...I guess because it is really the last thing I have to do before Max gets here and makes the fact of him coming that much more of a reality...a reality that somedays makes me wonder if I am ready for this. Is anyone ever really ready for a baby to come? I mean you have 9 months to prepare for this little life to come and you complain about how long it is taking and how much your back hurts, how you hate that you can't go 5 minutes without peeing or the fact that your wedding rings don't fit one day and then are too loose the next...you can barely sleep because you are so uncomfortable and all you care about it getting this baby out so that you can be skinny again...but then the weeks get closer and closer...and you reach the point where the baby can come at any moment now. Then what?

I don't know what to expect and that scares me but I am also so excited to see what happens. I am so nervous about the whole labor & delivery process I really don't think I have ever been so anxious about something before in my life...I pray everyday that my water won't break in the middle of class, or as I am standing in the caf waiting for my lunch... that I won't completely miss all the signs and go into labor in my living room...all these worst case scenarios are just in the back on my mind...thanks to the many random strangers who thought it was necessary to tell me their horror stories about being pregnant...and planted them there...

I need to just put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I need to pack this bag...it is not like me to procrastinate about something so important but for some reason this one task is taking more of an effort than it should. Just pray for me and pray that I will find the peace I need...I ask for it everyday when I wake up that I will not worry about things beyond my control...

....but for now I am going to enjoy my girl scout cookies with some milk and go to bed...I am exhausted...and maybe tomorrow I will pack my hospital bag! :)

36 weeks 2 days

19-22in

6.5 pounds

Doctors Appointment: Tomorrow, March 1st! (Then once every week until Max gets here!)